paper thoughts

Scorpius/Rose FTW.
Saturday, 28 February 2009 @ 20:59

Several funny incidents took place recently.

One was on thursday and it involved several boys pestering me to take up a relationship with a certain guy. I didn't know whether to feel annoyed or flattered.

The second was on friday and it had Ms L analyzing my Memorable Event essay in a Literature manner, with personification, metaphors and all that crap. I was laughing hysterically all throughout the lesson since firstly, she totally mucked up my grammar typing out stuff.

Secondly, the class was divided between the nappers and the History Test-muggers so practically no one was listening to her.

And lastly, my work wasn't even that great to begin with. The only thing which made it work was the bombastic, hyper-descriptive language I used, like "simple single-story white-washed building with a small courtyard in which generic plastic chairs were casually strewn about" and "plate-glassy exterior' and 'smelling faintly of loneliness, dejection and something I would later come to associate with death, an air of abandonment hung in the air, choking me'.

Puhlease.

I do hope they publish it though. I hope even more so that they let me correct the grammatical errors now present in it, after going through the Ms L-Machine.

Right, off to study for Lit and Math now. Wish me luck, guys.

Mood: Nerdy
Music: w.a.m.s - FOB

Guilty As Charged - Gym Class Heroes
Friday, 27 February 2009 @ 18:04



I love this song.

Shuffle Quiz.
Sunday, 22 February 2009 @ 15:45

1. Whoever
2. Is
3. Free
4. Enough
5. To
6. Blog
to do the quiz below xD

1) Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle mode.
2) For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3) YOU MUST WRITE THE SONG NAME DOWN, NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4) Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5) Tag 6 people

1. Are you male or female?
Cut & Move - Day of Fire
(( Uh - what? =.= ))

2. Describe yourself.
Skyway Avenue - We The Kings
(( I'm suicidal? SO WRONG. ))

3. What do people feel when they're around you?
I Guess You're Right - The Posies
(( F*cking hilarious is the only way to describe this answer XD ))

4. Describe your current relationship.
Judas - Kelly Clarkson
(( "After we'd been through so much, how could you let me down?" SO WRONG. ))

5. Where would you like to be now?
This Is Our Town - We The Kings
(( Yeah, I'm a homebody. Go figure. ))

6. How do you feel about love?
How I Feel - Kelly Clarkson
(( Like I'm gonna tell you XP ))

7. What's your life like?
Mean - P!nk
(( Again, super hilarious answer. Mean? Maybe. ))

8. What would you ask if you only had one wish?
A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me" - FOB
(( This answer feels kinda perverted -.- ))

9. If someone says "Is this okay?", what would you say?
Nothing Left To Say - Staind
(( Hm. Quite likely. ))

10. How would you describe yourself?
Thriller - FOB
(( I'm a regular riot. ))

11. What do you like in a guy/girl?
Sober - Kelly Clarkson
(( I dislike guys who drink. I blame my brother for this. ))

12. How do you feel today?
Bad Influence - P!nk
(( Whuh? ))

13. What do your friends think of you?
Dare - Gorillaz
(( As I've said before, people think I'm dangerously nuts. Isn't that awesome? ))

14. What would you do on a first date?
Are You Gonna Be My Girl - JET
(( Do you really think I'd proposition a guy that quick? ))

15. What do you think about very often?
Sugar, We're Going Down - FOB
(( Kinda right. I'm a pessimist passing for a realist. ))

16. What is 2+2?
Hole - Kelly Clarkson
(( No comment. Like, seriously - none. ))

17. What do you think of the person you like?
Strong Tower - Kutless
(( Stability's something I like. Strength is also pretty cool too. ))

18. What is your life story?
Dance, Dance - FOB
(( So you're saying I'm secretly Ginger Rogers? Cool beans. ))

19. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Nobody Knows - P!nk
(( Quite right. ))

20. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Rebirthing - Skillet
(( Again, no comment. ))

21. What will you dance to during your wedding?
Headlines Read Out... - We The Kings
(( Hm. I like. ))

22. What will they play at your funeral?
Somewhere Only We Know - Keane
(( Hopefully, they're referring to Heaven. ))

23. What is your biggest fear?
Long Way To Happy - P!nk
(( 99.9% right. ))

24. What is your hobby/interest?
The (After)Life of The Party
(( Not really. I don't like partying all that much. I prefer just hanging out with my friends. ))

25. What do you think of your friends?
America's Suitehearts(fad) - FOB
(( Sweethearts fo' sure. ))

There SaRAWR. I'm done.

Infection refraction.
Thursday, 19 February 2009 @ 11:51

I swear, I really wanted to go to school today.
I swear.
I even got ready and made my Dad drive me all the way there and everything.

-sighs-

I feel like Death frozen over.
I am doing Math - Pythagoras' Theorem and Factorisation sums.
I can't remember how to do two-humber factorisation.
I wish I hadn't fallen asleep because the nightmare I had during the nap made me lose sleep.
I think I am stupidity personified.
I think... I am wasting time by blogging.

Seeya loverlies.

Mood: Sick
Music: Take Me Back - Franz Ferdinand

Breakeven - The Script
Tuesday, 17 February 2009 @ 23:55

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven... even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no

What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains ooh
Cos you left me with no love and no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break
No it don't break
No it don't break even no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
(Oh glad your okay now)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(Oh I'm glad your okay)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no
This song's been stuck on replay in my head. Most of doesn't quite apply to any situation I'm going through now but I love the first line - "I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing".

It sounds like something I'd say.

Anyway, don't get plasmolysed, folks. ((Yeah yeah, YanLing, I'm infringing on your copyright claims :P))

Ponyboy put it right.
@ 18:49

It feels so... surreal that I fainted onstage yesterday.

One minute, Mrs Ong is talking about - gosh, I can't remember - and the next, all I see is white and I can feel my legs giving way, someone's hands holding me up. Unconciously, I mutter, "Aw shucks - " and then there's someone ushering me down the steps, my hands groping the air as I try to feel my way down. My legs stumble drunkedly as I hear Bianca saying something to me, probably asking if I'm alright. I nod and stride towards the canteen's toilets, only barely aware that I'm passing the staffroom, pink stone benches then canteen tables.

My head feels woozy as I splash water along my arms to shake the fainting spell off. Bianca remarks that I'm really pale and I think, Do I really look pale?, staring at myself in the mirror. As we walk out to the canteen, I see YiHeng with something in his hand walking towards the toilets and Bianca shouts at him that we're here. He comes closer and gives me a styrofoam cup of warm Milo, the thing he was holding. Amazed, I widen my eyes and break out into a smile, all the while thinking, Gosh these people are awesome.

So, A HUGE SHOUTOUT TO EVERYONE WHO ASKED ME IF I WAS FINE, ESPECIALLY BIANCA AND YIHENG ;D THANK YOU, GUYS.

By the way, I really don't know what's KaiSeng's problem with me. Like, seriously. And JenHan can just stop making me out as some airheaded egoistical bimbotic chick who has nothing better to do than to act like she's smart and perfect and everything because who the hell is he to judge me when he doesn't even know me? It's not as if I go around spreading things about people I barely know just for my own self-gratification.

And what's with JunHao's attitude problem towards me? Maybe he thinks he's having some sort of witty repartee with me but all he is is just downright mean. Like, "Oh, I like making indirect insults to you in your face" or "I'm sure you won't understand it". Those statements hurt feelings and if you hurt mine, I might just hurt your face so just shut up already. I don't know why I keep on ending up sitting near you. I wanna get back to our original positions, with you sitting right at the corner so I don't have to talk to you. G*d.

Did this seem like a complaint post? Because it was and it going to continue in about 2 seconds.

My throat is sore (partially from all the figurative crap I'm swallowing). My nose is running. My face is long and my temper is short. I want to just curl up in-between my comforter and wish the world away for a bit. I want a snow-day, a sick day but I can't, not with the amount of stuff I've to do in school and out of it.

I feel like hiding in the dark and screaming into my pillow to let go of all this frustration. Maybe I'm too stressed out. Maybe I'm not stressed out enough. Maybe I just need a break.

Maybe I just need to stop blogging and get myself a cup of Earl Grey before attempting my Bio, Physics, Math, D&T and History homework. Wish me luck, dudes.

Mood: Some stressed out-must-drink-tea mood
Music: Breakeven - The Script

You were saying, Greta?
Sunday, 15 February 2009 @ 00:14

Isn't it just crazy that I'm still up and posting at this hour even though I've got mass to attend to tomorrow?
Yeah yeah, I'm a weirdo.

I just felt like posting up the fact that I finally managed to get that The Dark Knight poster that I wanted, along with the WATCHMEN one and Will Eisner's The Spirit print. It is like, so damn cool but also, was so damn expensive. Without the frame and just the mounting board, my WATCHMEN poster cost $30 by itself and ate up my entire February allowance. It was nice of Dad to pay for my other two posters though :D Thanks Dad!

I was kinda disappointed by the fact that the guy didn't have any of Rorschach's character posters but the one I bought was pretty cool.



Haha, my brother gave me a set of funny badges for V'day and they're basically pins with various strange cartoons printed on them with the words THIN, SCARE & ((can't really remember here)). I feel like putting the THIN badge on my pencil case just to make a statement. I guess I'll think about it.

Oh, I forgot to mention that when we went to Suntec today, it was uber crowded. My mum remarked on it and I tried my hand at explaining it to her.

Mum: Eh, why is Suntec so crowded today?
Me: Aiyah, it's cause' it's Valentine's Day. So naturally, all the couples want to go out. But since said couples are - well - couples, they hold hands to show their 'togetherness'. Lots and lots of couples holding hands = less space for people to walk since it's rude to just 'cut' through them.

We were all LOL-ing when I said this and Mum was like, "So they have to stop holding hands right? Save space."

&& I saw at least 10 couples carrying the same bouquet and about 5 with huge plush teddy bears. I didn't know whether to laugh or be angry at the girls' boyfriends for buying their girlfriends the same V'day gift everyone else was getting.
Seriously.

Mood: Awake
Music: Captain Planet Intro - Captain Planet

Love and all the small, shredded up bits.
Friday, 13 February 2009 @ 20:12

HAPPY SINGLES' AWARENESS DAY, VALENTINE'S DAY, TOTAL DEFENCE DAY AND FRIDAY THE 13TH, Y'ALL :D ((JiaYi's right - we oughta have a holiday or something for all these events))

So like, today was absolutely wonderful.

It's been an age since I've actually celebrated Valentine's Day. Um, three years, as a matter of fact. I usually don't buy into the fact that it's so commercialised but this year seems different, somehow. It's not because I actually got stuff ((Yes Rachael, you probably got more than me XD)) but - I dunno. The song's changed and I'm not dancing the same way.

A certain guy made me feel bad that I hadn't replied to his text sooner cause' my handphone bailed on me and I was left uncontactable till about 8.30pm which is like, some sort of deserted island in the middle of nowhere when it's Valentine's Day and you've got people waiting for replies by SMS.

Right well, I think the main highlight of the day was when Mr Tham had this brilliant idea to give us pretty pieces of paper and ask our friends and classmates to write little words of encouragement. It was a lot of fun; we stayed in the music room and ran around, trying to get people to write for us.
A major note of thanks to the following people who wrote stuff for me ((in random order)): HuiYing, YanLing, Rachael, Audrey, Andrea, JiaYi, Shannon, JiaLing, QianYi, Irina, Alphonsus, JunHao, ShaoWei, Glen, SiHui, WeiKiat, FangYuan & Chloe.

BTW, the most memorable words of encouragement I received were from ShaoWei & JunHao.

ShaoWei: "Remind me of Joker's GF" &
JunHao: " Too smart for ur size... lols JK (Be abit more emotional, k?)"

I was doubling over with laughter when I saw the two statements. I think being told that I resemble Harley Quinn is like, one of the greatest compliments I will ever receive in my entire life ((even though I fully realize ShaoWei may have just been teasing me)).
Also, JunHao saying that I oughta be more emotional got me wondering what he was talking about. Does he want me to be more expressive? And what about him saying that I'm too smart for my size? Is it a comment on my weight or height?

Hmm.

Anyway, we had some weird-ish CDA thingo refreshment thing after school till about 3pm and Bianca and Shaun were really nice to me. It's always a bit... uncomfortable to be sitting in between two seniors who are like, 2 years older than me and the VP & P of SC respectively so it was strangely nice, the way they made me feel like I was part of the group. And I got in to the CDA Interview thinggum, quarterly cause' I was a good speaker and three-quarterly cause' I was the only Sec 2E kid there XD

Lawl.

Goodness, I just realized how much teachers are buying into the 'All kids are totally free on tuesdays and thursdays cause' there aren't any CCAs on those days' state of mind. In this week alone, I have had three seperate teachers asking me to go for various events on the EXACT SAME DAY, AROUND THE SAME TIME. Isn't that just mad? First was the CIP, then Council and now CDA. Seriously, it's crazy.

Okay okay, enough about me. I feel the need to post pretty icons: D



Mood: Loved
Music: She's My Winona - FOB

Nuts and "Screw You"s.
Monday, 9 February 2009 @ 23:01

Quite honestly, I don't think I should be awake at this hour, let alone blogging.
I just need get this negative energy outta me and the only way possible (I lost my diary... Isn't that great?) is through blogging.

MY G*D, I SWEAR, MS L. CAN GO SCREW HERSELF.
I was totally, absolutely, without a doubt freakin' pissed with her for awarding KS the same number of marks and even higher language points when his situational writing was so bloody riddled with grammatical errors that it shouldn't even have been given a g*ddamn 14/20.

You mean grammar isn't part of your 'Language Rubric'?

By the way, you are such a bloody hypocrite. You place so much emphasis on grammar rules yet you blindly allow KS to get away with that crap he wrote ('kick off' instead of 'kicked off', multiple missing 'a's, 'the's, 'that's, wrong punctuation, bad spelling - the list goes on)

What kind of vocabulary do you want me to use to get a 17? Big words like gregarious, downtrodden and anthropomorphic? Or long, flowery descriptions in a class newsletter? In a completely, 100-percent formal tone?

PUHLEASE. Tell us how you marked us and show us how to score. You can't f*cking give us low marks like 13-9 for Language without explaining to us how we went wrong.

And don't find excuses like saying, "Oh, you've got this one word used wrongly, that's why your marks are so low".

That's just utter bullsh*t.

Oh, and I hope for your sake that you aren't marking us down just cause' you're such an awful teacher that we don't give you our undivided attention during your lesson. You're not even f*cking fit to be an EL teacher. How are we supposed to look up to an EL teacher who pronounces and uses words wrongly?

Once we get back our papers, I'm going to see if Ms. Lim's got the time to look through it with me and remark it or something. Then, mum's gonna show it to her EL HOD friend from St. Nick's. It is so f*cking unfair if all of us get our marks pulled down just cause' you decided you'd play a big trick on us and accept crap work as good and vice-versa.

I swear, when you asked KS to read out his work, I was thinking, 'Oh, he's probably the lowest or something', especially since I wanted to laugh out loud at his essay's many mistakes. But noooo, after I finished reading out my own essay (everyone said it was awesome and even you said something about 'standard') to the class and we got back our writings, I was in the center of the realms of laughing and crying. I was so g*ddamn hysterical that both KS & I had gotten the same score, him getting higher marks for Language even.

I was so bloody incredulous.

I'll conclude this post now with a final statement: You can mess up my daily assignment scores as much as you like but don't you f*cking dare touch my exam grades. An A1 & a B3 make all the difference during streaming and if I get streamed to a lousy class or lose my class ranking because of you , I solemnly swear that I will kill you.
Cruelly.

((The only good thing about today is that I received a rose from a secret admirer mum's friend, Aunty Ilise. Aren't you jealous? XD))

Mood: Beyond Pissed
Music: -

Is it Stun-zah, Stan-zah or Stan-zuh?
Friday, 6 February 2009 @ 19:39

Ms L. made us do a poem on studies after she decided that a certain poem in a certain newspaper column was awe-inspiring.

FYI, I think she's completely deluded. Firstly, the poem was badly phrased and the words were so... boring. Secondly, the stanzas were frickin' weird and the whole piece of poetry felt like something a primary four kid would write as a joke. SERIOUSLY! Even I write better poetry.

Good Lord.

Oh, and did I mention that I totally killed my thighs during P.E the other day, trying to break my own long-jumping record? I did, by the way, at the expense of not being able to walk properly now for the next week or so. Strangely, slamming the area that hurt, against the wall brought some insane sense of relief; that just goes to show how much pain I was in and how masochistic I truly am.
Lawl.

Decided to change my PM on MSN to "Vita non est vivere sed valere vita est (Living is more than staying alive)" in tribute of Z's own latin motto: Veni, Vidi, Duci.

That - apparently - means "I came, I saw, I calculated."

I'm guessing he's suffering from the same major Math frustration that I'm going through (I will never EVER get the hang of algebraic factorisation by algebraic identities).

I swear, I am going to fail my Math as badly as the class quiz we had. Mr O. has to share some of the blame though; he directly assumed that knowing how to expand algebraic equations meant that factorisation was a breeze and so, didn't take the time to teach us about it. This is one of the times I simply have to moan and groan at my stupidity for not accepting Mum's offer of getting a Math tutor for me.

-double sigh-

On a cheerier note, I absolutely love dancing with my E-ONE lovelies (: Although I resemble a mentally unstable penguin, it's - honestly - loads of fun.

Mood: Nervous/Sore
Music: Desolation Row - MCR

West Coast Smoker.
Thursday, 5 February 2009 @ 22:01

FOB songs kept on ringing in my head today like a bad case of Bell Trauma. I was tapping out the beats of the drums and the lines 'Don't feel bad for the suicidal cats; gotta kill themselves nine times before they get it right' were so haunting.
Wishes bounce me weightless
The infrared scope of pointlessness
The bulls are sedated and this fights fixed

Don't feel bad for the suicidal cats
Gotta kill themselves nine times before they get it right
The P.A. system keeps my hard heart beating tonight

(Oh hell yes)
I'm a nervous wreck
(Oh hell yes)
The drugs just make me reset

Knock once for the Father
Twice for the Son
Three times for the Holy Ghost

Come on in, the water's warm
Come on like I sugared you, but with a kick in the head
Like putting wings on lead
Your eyes are black in my starlight
I'm the last of my kind
(And as always I'm not addicted to you)

Fall upon this token as religion of my head
And we'll never get through customs
Let's just take off again instead

Got my degree in the gutter
My heart broken in the dorms of the Ivy League

(Oh hell yes)
I'm a nervous wreck
(Oh hell yes)
The drugs just make me reset

Anyway, I shan't say much for today cept' it was the most fun I've had in ages with my classmates and everyone got really hyper when we were dancing. GORSH - I haven't laughed so hard in ages XD

Pity Party.
Monday, 2 February 2009 @ 20:19

It sucks so g*ddamn much to feel like I've been... abandoned by my friends.

Maybe I'm being too melodramatic here but I need to get these words (and tears) out.
I want so much to text my besties, saying how g*ddamn lonely I feel but what am I supposed to say?

"Oh, hi there __________. I'm very depressed without you. Please reply asap."

My gosh, that's pathetic.

I dunno. I'm stuck between two sides and I'm getting so unnecessarily annoyed these days. Maybe Febuary just isn't my month. Then again, I still have 25 more days to go so I'll leave that judgement till then.

-sighs-

I had a good cry today. I just squeezed out every single little bit of hate/frustration/loneliness/whatever-I've-been-feeling into ten minutes of doing nothing but wallowing in self-pity. I just needed to get it all out, y'know? I'm so tired of feeling so down and torn and I don't know what else. I wish I was still surrounded by the R5ians.

Maybe I'm just not quite used to having the kind of friends I have now.
Or maybe I'm just getting too stressed out trying to keep my life intact while juggling tests and extra curricular stuff (i.e organizing the ArtClub thingy).

I think I need a hug. Like, right now.
((Text/Leave a hug to me if you've read this post. I seriously doubt I'll receive many, though.))

Songs on a broken radio.
Sunday, 1 February 2009 @ 21:48

I wish I could find a song that expressed exactly how I'm feeling right now.
I feel like everything's turned against me - even myself.

I wish I could talk to someone. I reallyreallyreally wish I didn't have to constantly be a sounding board; for once, I want someone to tell me that 'hopeful sh*t' (quoted from Hava).
I know I'm being melodramatic and I hate feeling this way.

It's hard, posting this up. The main reason why this is here is because I can't find my private journal anymore.
I don't even have those pictures in it to keep me cheerful.

Gosh. I have to stop self-obsessing now.

Um. Bye.

Shuffle Quiz.
Sunday, 22 February 2009 @ 15:45

1. Whoever
2. Is
3. Free
4. Enough
5. To
6. Blog
to do the quiz below xD

1) Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle mode.
2) For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3) YOU MUST WRITE THE SONG NAME DOWN, NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4) Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5) Tag 6 people

1. Are you male or female?
Cut & Move - Day of Fire
(( Uh - what? =.= ))

2. Describe yourself.
Skyway Avenue - We The Kings
(( I'm suicidal? SO WRONG. ))

3. What do people feel when they're around you?
I Guess You're Right - The Posies
(( F*cking hilarious is the only way to describe this answer XD ))

4. Describe your current relationship.
Judas - Kelly Clarkson
(( "After we'd been through so much, how could you let me down?" SO WRONG. ))

5. Where would you like to be now?
This Is Our Town - We The Kings
(( Yeah, I'm a homebody. Go figure. ))

6. How do you feel about love?
How I Feel - Kelly Clarkson
(( Like I'm gonna tell you XP ))

7. What's your life like?
Mean - P!nk
(( Again, super hilarious answer. Mean? Maybe. ))

8. What would you ask if you only had one wish?
A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me" - FOB
(( This answer feels kinda perverted -.- ))

9. If someone says "Is this okay?", what would you say?
Nothing Left To Say - Staind
(( Hm. Quite likely. ))

10. How would you describe yourself?
Thriller - FOB
(( I'm a regular riot. ))

11. What do you like in a guy/girl?
Sober - Kelly Clarkson
(( I dislike guys who drink. I blame my brother for this. ))

12. How do you feel today?
Bad Influence - P!nk
(( Whuh? ))

13. What do your friends think of you?
Dare - Gorillaz
(( As I've said before, people think I'm dangerously nuts. Isn't that awesome? ))

14. What would you do on a first date?
Are You Gonna Be My Girl - JET
(( Do you really think I'd proposition a guy that quick? ))

15. What do you think about very often?
Sugar, We're Going Down - FOB
(( Kinda right. I'm a pessimist passing for a realist. ))

16. What is 2+2?
Hole - Kelly Clarkson
(( No comment. Like, seriously - none. ))

17. What do you think of the person you like?
Strong Tower - Kutless
(( Stability's something I like. Strength is also pretty cool too. ))

18. What is your life story?
Dance, Dance - FOB
(( So you're saying I'm secretly Ginger Rogers? Cool beans. ))

19. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Nobody Knows - P!nk
(( Quite right. ))

20. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Rebirthing - Skillet
(( Again, no comment. ))

21. What will you dance to during your wedding?
Headlines Read Out... - We The Kings
(( Hm. I like. ))

22. What will they play at your funeral?
Somewhere Only We Know - Keane
(( Hopefully, they're referring to Heaven. ))

23. What is your biggest fear?
Long Way To Happy - P!nk
(( 99.9% right. ))

24. What is your hobby/interest?
The (After)Life of The Party
(( Not really. I don't like partying all that much. I prefer just hanging out with my friends. ))

25. What do you think of your friends?
America's Suitehearts(fad) - FOB
(( Sweethearts fo' sure. ))

There SaRAWR. I'm done.

Infection refraction.
Thursday, 19 February 2009 @ 11:51

I swear, I really wanted to go to school today.
I swear.
I even got ready and made my Dad drive me all the way there and everything.

-sighs-

I feel like Death frozen over.
I am doing Math - Pythagoras' Theorem and Factorisation sums.
I can't remember how to do two-humber factorisation.
I wish I hadn't fallen asleep because the nightmare I had during the nap made me lose sleep.
I think I am stupidity personified.
I think... I am wasting time by blogging.

Seeya loverlies.

Mood: Sick
Music: Take Me Back - Franz Ferdinand

Breakeven - The Script
Tuesday, 17 February 2009 @ 23:55

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven... even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no

What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains ooh
Cos you left me with no love and no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break
No it don't break
No it don't break even no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
(Oh glad your okay now)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(Oh I'm glad your okay)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no
This song's been stuck on replay in my head. Most of doesn't quite apply to any situation I'm going through now but I love the first line - "I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing".

It sounds like something I'd say.

Anyway, don't get plasmolysed, folks. ((Yeah yeah, YanLing, I'm infringing on your copyright claims :P))

Ponyboy put it right.
@ 18:49

It feels so... surreal that I fainted onstage yesterday.

One minute, Mrs Ong is talking about - gosh, I can't remember - and the next, all I see is white and I can feel my legs giving way, someone's hands holding me up. Unconciously, I mutter, "Aw shucks - " and then there's someone ushering me down the steps, my hands groping the air as I try to feel my way down. My legs stumble drunkedly as I hear Bianca saying something to me, probably asking if I'm alright. I nod and stride towards the canteen's toilets, only barely aware that I'm passing the staffroom, pink stone benches then canteen tables.

My head feels woozy as I splash water along my arms to shake the fainting spell off. Bianca remarks that I'm really pale and I think, Do I really look pale?, staring at myself in the mirror. As we walk out to the canteen, I see YiHeng with something in his hand walking towards the toilets and Bianca shouts at him that we're here. He comes closer and gives me a styrofoam cup of warm Milo, the thing he was holding. Amazed, I widen my eyes and break out into a smile, all the while thinking, Gosh these people are awesome.

So, A HUGE SHOUTOUT TO EVERYONE WHO ASKED ME IF I WAS FINE, ESPECIALLY BIANCA AND YIHENG ;D THANK YOU, GUYS.

By the way, I really don't know what's KaiSeng's problem with me. Like, seriously. And JenHan can just stop making me out as some airheaded egoistical bimbotic chick who has nothing better to do than to act like she's smart and perfect and everything because who the hell is he to judge me when he doesn't even know me? It's not as if I go around spreading things about people I barely know just for my own self-gratification.

And what's with JunHao's attitude problem towards me? Maybe he thinks he's having some sort of witty repartee with me but all he is is just downright mean. Like, "Oh, I like making indirect insults to you in your face" or "I'm sure you won't understand it". Those statements hurt feelings and if you hurt mine, I might just hurt your face so just shut up already. I don't know why I keep on ending up sitting near you. I wanna get back to our original positions, with you sitting right at the corner so I don't have to talk to you. G*d.

Did this seem like a complaint post? Because it was and it going to continue in about 2 seconds.

My throat is sore (partially from all the figurative crap I'm swallowing). My nose is running. My face is long and my temper is short. I want to just curl up in-between my comforter and wish the world away for a bit. I want a snow-day, a sick day but I can't, not with the amount of stuff I've to do in school and out of it.

I feel like hiding in the dark and screaming into my pillow to let go of all this frustration. Maybe I'm too stressed out. Maybe I'm not stressed out enough. Maybe I just need a break.

Maybe I just need to stop blogging and get myself a cup of Earl Grey before attempting my Bio, Physics, Math, D&T and History homework. Wish me luck, dudes.

Mood: Some stressed out-must-drink-tea mood
Music: Breakeven - The Script

You were saying, Greta?
Sunday, 15 February 2009 @ 00:14

Isn't it just crazy that I'm still up and posting at this hour even though I've got mass to attend to tomorrow?
Yeah yeah, I'm a weirdo.

I just felt like posting up the fact that I finally managed to get that The Dark Knight poster that I wanted, along with the WATCHMEN one and Will Eisner's The Spirit print. It is like, so damn cool but also, was so damn expensive. Without the frame and just the mounting board, my WATCHMEN poster cost $30 by itself and ate up my entire February allowance. It was nice of Dad to pay for my other two posters though :D Thanks Dad!

I was kinda disappointed by the fact that the guy didn't have any of Rorschach's character posters but the one I bought was pretty cool.



Haha, my brother gave me a set of funny badges for V'day and they're basically pins with various strange cartoons printed on them with the words THIN, SCARE & ((can't really remember here)). I feel like putting the THIN badge on my pencil case just to make a statement. I guess I'll think about it.

Oh, I forgot to mention that when we went to Suntec today, it was uber crowded. My mum remarked on it and I tried my hand at explaining it to her.

Mum: Eh, why is Suntec so crowded today?
Me: Aiyah, it's cause' it's Valentine's Day. So naturally, all the couples want to go out. But since said couples are - well - couples, they hold hands to show their 'togetherness'. Lots and lots of couples holding hands = less space for people to walk since it's rude to just 'cut' through them.

We were all LOL-ing when I said this and Mum was like, "So they have to stop holding hands right? Save space."

&& I saw at least 10 couples carrying the same bouquet and about 5 with huge plush teddy bears. I didn't know whether to laugh or be angry at the girls' boyfriends for buying their girlfriends the same V'day gift everyone else was getting.
Seriously.

Mood: Awake
Music: Captain Planet Intro - Captain Planet

Love and all the small, shredded up bits.
Friday, 13 February 2009 @ 20:12

HAPPY SINGLES' AWARENESS DAY, VALENTINE'S DAY, TOTAL DEFENCE DAY AND FRIDAY THE 13TH, Y'ALL :D ((JiaYi's right - we oughta have a holiday or something for all these events))

So like, today was absolutely wonderful.

It's been an age since I've actually celebrated Valentine's Day. Um, three years, as a matter of fact. I usually don't buy into the fact that it's so commercialised but this year seems different, somehow. It's not because I actually got stuff ((Yes Rachael, you probably got more than me XD)) but - I dunno. The song's changed and I'm not dancing the same way.

A certain guy made me feel bad that I hadn't replied to his text sooner cause' my handphone bailed on me and I was left uncontactable till about 8.30pm which is like, some sort of deserted island in the middle of nowhere when it's Valentine's Day and you've got people waiting for replies by SMS.

Right well, I think the main highlight of the day was when Mr Tham had this brilliant idea to give us pretty pieces of paper and ask our friends and classmates to write little words of encouragement. It was a lot of fun; we stayed in the music room and ran around, trying to get people to write for us.
A major note of thanks to the following people who wrote stuff for me ((in random order)): HuiYing, YanLing, Rachael, Audrey, Andrea, JiaYi, Shannon, JiaLing, QianYi, Irina, Alphonsus, JunHao, ShaoWei, Glen, SiHui, WeiKiat, FangYuan & Chloe.

BTW, the most memorable words of encouragement I received were from ShaoWei & JunHao.

ShaoWei: "Remind me of Joker's GF" &
JunHao: " Too smart for ur size... lols JK (Be abit more emotional, k?)"

I was doubling over with laughter when I saw the two statements. I think being told that I resemble Harley Quinn is like, one of the greatest compliments I will ever receive in my entire life ((even though I fully realize ShaoWei may have just been teasing me)).
Also, JunHao saying that I oughta be more emotional got me wondering what he was talking about. Does he want me to be more expressive? And what about him saying that I'm too smart for my size? Is it a comment on my weight or height?

Hmm.

Anyway, we had some weird-ish CDA thingo refreshment thing after school till about 3pm and Bianca and Shaun were really nice to me. It's always a bit... uncomfortable to be sitting in between two seniors who are like, 2 years older than me and the VP & P of SC respectively so it was strangely nice, the way they made me feel like I was part of the group. And I got in to the CDA Interview thinggum, quarterly cause' I was a good speaker and three-quarterly cause' I was the only Sec 2E kid there XD

Lawl.

Goodness, I just realized how much teachers are buying into the 'All kids are totally free on tuesdays and thursdays cause' there aren't any CCAs on those days' state of mind. In this week alone, I have had three seperate teachers asking me to go for various events on the EXACT SAME DAY, AROUND THE SAME TIME. Isn't that just mad? First was the CIP, then Council and now CDA. Seriously, it's crazy.

Okay okay, enough about me. I feel the need to post pretty icons: D



Mood: Loved
Music: She's My Winona - FOB

Nuts and "Screw You"s.
Monday, 9 February 2009 @ 23:01

Quite honestly, I don't think I should be awake at this hour, let alone blogging.
I just need get this negative energy outta me and the only way possible (I lost my diary... Isn't that great?) is through blogging.

MY G*D, I SWEAR, MS L. CAN GO SCREW HERSELF.
I was totally, absolutely, without a doubt freakin' pissed with her for awarding KS the same number of marks and even higher language points when his situational writing was so bloody riddled with grammatical errors that it shouldn't even have been given a g*ddamn 14/20.

You mean grammar isn't part of your 'Language Rubric'?

By the way, you are such a bloody hypocrite. You place so much emphasis on grammar rules yet you blindly allow KS to get away with that crap he wrote ('kick off' instead of 'kicked off', multiple missing 'a's, 'the's, 'that's, wrong punctuation, bad spelling - the list goes on)

What kind of vocabulary do you want me to use to get a 17? Big words like gregarious, downtrodden and anthropomorphic? Or long, flowery descriptions in a class newsletter? In a completely, 100-percent formal tone?

PUHLEASE. Tell us how you marked us and show us how to score. You can't f*cking give us low marks like 13-9 for Language without explaining to us how we went wrong.

And don't find excuses like saying, "Oh, you've got this one word used wrongly, that's why your marks are so low".

That's just utter bullsh*t.

Oh, and I hope for your sake that you aren't marking us down just cause' you're such an awful teacher that we don't give you our undivided attention during your lesson. You're not even f*cking fit to be an EL teacher. How are we supposed to look up to an EL teacher who pronounces and uses words wrongly?

Once we get back our papers, I'm going to see if Ms. Lim's got the time to look through it with me and remark it or something. Then, mum's gonna show it to her EL HOD friend from St. Nick's. It is so f*cking unfair if all of us get our marks pulled down just cause' you decided you'd play a big trick on us and accept crap work as good and vice-versa.

I swear, when you asked KS to read out his work, I was thinking, 'Oh, he's probably the lowest or something', especially since I wanted to laugh out loud at his essay's many mistakes. But noooo, after I finished reading out my own essay (everyone said it was awesome and even you said something about 'standard') to the class and we got back our writings, I was in the center of the realms of laughing and crying. I was so g*ddamn hysterical that both KS & I had gotten the same score, him getting higher marks for Language even.

I was so bloody incredulous.

I'll conclude this post now with a final statement: You can mess up my daily assignment scores as much as you like but don't you f*cking dare touch my exam grades. An A1 & a B3 make all the difference during streaming and if I get streamed to a lousy class or lose my class ranking because of you , I solemnly swear that I will kill you.
Cruelly.

((The only good thing about today is that I received a rose from a secret admirer mum's friend, Aunty Ilise. Aren't you jealous? XD))

Mood: Beyond Pissed
Music: -

Is it Stun-zah, Stan-zah or Stan-zuh?
Friday, 6 February 2009 @ 19:39

Ms L. made us do a poem on studies after she decided that a certain poem in a certain newspaper column was awe-inspiring.

FYI, I think she's completely deluded. Firstly, the poem was badly phrased and the words were so... boring. Secondly, the stanzas were frickin' weird and the whole piece of poetry felt like something a primary four kid would write as a joke. SERIOUSLY! Even I write better poetry.

Good Lord.

Oh, and did I mention that I totally killed my thighs during P.E the other day, trying to break my own long-jumping record? I did, by the way, at the expense of not being able to walk properly now for the next week or so. Strangely, slamming the area that hurt, against the wall brought some insane sense of relief; that just goes to show how much pain I was in and how masochistic I truly am.
Lawl.

Decided to change my PM on MSN to "Vita non est vivere sed valere vita est (Living is more than staying alive)" in tribute of Z's own latin motto: Veni, Vidi, Duci.

That - apparently - means "I came, I saw, I calculated."

I'm guessing he's suffering from the same major Math frustration that I'm going through (I will never EVER get the hang of algebraic factorisation by algebraic identities).

I swear, I am going to fail my Math as badly as the class quiz we had. Mr O. has to share some of the blame though; he directly assumed that knowing how to expand algebraic equations meant that factorisation was a breeze and so, didn't take the time to teach us about it. This is one of the times I simply have to moan and groan at my stupidity for not accepting Mum's offer of getting a Math tutor for me.

-double sigh-

On a cheerier note, I absolutely love dancing with my E-ONE lovelies (: Although I resemble a mentally unstable penguin, it's - honestly - loads of fun.

Mood: Nervous/Sore
Music: Desolation Row - MCR

West Coast Smoker.
Thursday, 5 February 2009 @ 22:01

FOB songs kept on ringing in my head today like a bad case of Bell Trauma. I was tapping out the beats of the drums and the lines 'Don't feel bad for the suicidal cats; gotta kill themselves nine times before they get it right' were so haunting.
Wishes bounce me weightless
The infrared scope of pointlessness
The bulls are sedated and this fights fixed

Don't feel bad for the suicidal cats
Gotta kill themselves nine times before they get it right
The P.A. system keeps my hard heart beating tonight

(Oh hell yes)
I'm a nervous wreck
(Oh hell yes)
The drugs just make me reset

Knock once for the Father
Twice for the Son
Three times for the Holy Ghost

Come on in, the water's warm
Come on like I sugared you, but with a kick in the head
Like putting wings on lead
Your eyes are black in my starlight
I'm the last of my kind
(And as always I'm not addicted to you)

Fall upon this token as religion of my head
And we'll never get through customs
Let's just take off again instead

Got my degree in the gutter
My heart broken in the dorms of the Ivy League

(Oh hell yes)
I'm a nervous wreck
(Oh hell yes)
The drugs just make me reset

Anyway, I shan't say much for today cept' it was the most fun I've had in ages with my classmates and everyone got really hyper when we were dancing. GORSH - I haven't laughed so hard in ages XD

Pity Party.
Monday, 2 February 2009 @ 20:19

It sucks so g*ddamn much to feel like I've been... abandoned by my friends.

Maybe I'm being too melodramatic here but I need to get these words (and tears) out.
I want so much to text my besties, saying how g*ddamn lonely I feel but what am I supposed to say?

"Oh, hi there __________. I'm very depressed without you. Please reply asap."

My gosh, that's pathetic.

I dunno. I'm stuck between two sides and I'm getting so unnecessarily annoyed these days. Maybe Febuary just isn't my month. Then again, I still have 25 more days to go so I'll leave that judgement till then.

-sighs-

I had a good cry today. I just squeezed out every single little bit of hate/frustration/loneliness/whatever-I've-been-feeling into ten minutes of doing nothing but wallowing in self-pity. I just needed to get it all out, y'know? I'm so tired of feeling so down and torn and I don't know what else. I wish I was still surrounded by the R5ians.

Maybe I'm just not quite used to having the kind of friends I have now.
Or maybe I'm just getting too stressed out trying to keep my life intact while juggling tests and extra curricular stuff (i.e organizing the ArtClub thingy).

I think I need a hug. Like, right now.
((Text/Leave a hug to me if you've read this post. I seriously doubt I'll receive many, though.))

Songs on a broken radio.
Sunday, 1 February 2009 @ 21:48

I wish I could find a song that expressed exactly how I'm feeling right now.
I feel like everything's turned against me - even myself.

I wish I could talk to someone. I reallyreallyreally wish I didn't have to constantly be a sounding board; for once, I want someone to tell me that 'hopeful sh*t' (quoted from Hava).
I know I'm being melodramatic and I hate feeling this way.

It's hard, posting this up. The main reason why this is here is because I can't find my private journal anymore.
I don't even have those pictures in it to keep me cheerful.

Gosh. I have to stop self-obsessing now.

Um. Bye.